Birthday

Like any other day. I’m just a year older.

I won’t be going into all that I’m 39 and happy shit because I’m not. I try to be happy just to stay alive and interact with people.

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Done my cooking yesterday. Got the cake and Ice-cream.

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I’ve cried twice today. Actually three times. First because I remembered what the doctor said when I went for the post op check up. After I made arrangements [Payment] to stay a week more after my surgery, he said he has never met anyone that has no one to go home to after a surgery. My answer was  ”well, I’m the first then”.

I cried again thinking about how I have never celebrated a birthday. And how I have never had a boyfriend. Never.

Well, I did date this one guy in school but it was kinda childish stuff. I should say In my adult life, I have never had someone to refer to as ‘Boyfriend’.

And then again I cried because my boss who I recently do not want to work with anymore put a Calvin Klein watch on my desk with a ‘Hip hip hip hurray’ note on it. That made me laugh! what the hell!? And then soon after I started to cry. And this time I cried for long. Still crying.

He tries. He does.

Just that, when people know that they’re the only one you’ve got, they start to act like a god. Like they don’t need you and you can fuck off if you want. Because in their head they think you need them to survive. That’s the mistake a lot of people make about me. Because I become so close to people and play so much and make them feel special and needed, they think I can’t do without them. I can. And I will.

I will leave everything and go live on a tree in Brazil!

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Ok no. But you get the gist? Yeah.

I’m a little tired of crying. I had so much makeup on today I’ve ruined it already.

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I tried to register on a dating site yesterday. No luck.

I’ve been told in the past that they block IP addresses from my country. I don’t blame them. If I were them I’ll do the same.

I opened an instagram page last november. No luck.

I only get DMs from 20 year old Indian boys! I don’t know why.

If I decide to go out more in the hope of meeting someone, I’ll be deceiving myself. No man from this parts will find me attractive. I’m so skinny I look like a boy. Even worse because my upper body is bigger than my lower body since I have no hips or butt. I’m like a miniature version of wendy williams. With a softer voice and prettier face. Yes I’m pretty.

That’s the one thing I don’t need anyone to tell me. ok, my nose is kinda large but……

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Notice how I keep complaining about my body? I hate it. I hate it!!

If I had so much money I’ll be in Dr.Nassif and Dubrow’s Office doing a tummy tuck, rhinoplasty and fat transfer to my butt.

Whatever. Happy Birthday to me.

 

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