Thank You

To the few people that bother to read my blog.

It means a lot to me. I am not so good with writing and like I pointed out before, the blog is like a therapy page for me. I’ve always needed a place to pour out my thoughts  because I do not have friends I can speak with. So when I’m done writing here I feel a little better even though no one really responds but that’s o.k.

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I’ve spent the past few days recuperating. It’s getting better. Some days are good, some days are just awful. My stomach is still big and I am still underweight.

I keep searching online to find information about weight and stomach sizes after the surgery but sadly I have never come across  a skinny woman like me who has had fibroid! Not one!

So everyone else I’ve found has been excited at their weight loss after the surgery. I cannot join any forum because from past experiences, no one wants to know what a skinny woman goes through. Well, because they all think I’m the ideal figure. If only they knew…..

At 5”4, 49kg, age 39 some people think I should not complain, women think it’s the ideal size. But I know what men think. Instagram gives me a fairly good picture of what men like! Thanks to fake bodies everywhere.

I dread looking at myself in the mirror. And after this surgery, Its worse. I can barely look at myself. I hate everything about my body. My legs and arms are so skinny and my stomach is large. It’s 34 inches across my stomach, if I use a tape rule to measure myself. For a skinny person, that’s large!  And the scars? It’s just horrible!

I keep saying to myself that no man will find me attractive looking like this. So, my plan to adopt/IVF still stands. I don’t want to be alone at my old age as I find It can be depressing sometimes. Sometimes.

I need to keep saving because it costs even more to do an IVF. Adoption is a slim chance in this country. Especially for a single lady. And I will not be involved in bribing anyone as they usually do around here. I’d rather save the millions needed to do an IVF. I might need to change my job or get an additional job to the one I have.

[When I say IVF, I mean an Artificial Insemination from sperm donated by someone I know or sperm bought at the fertility clinic] Hope I got that right.

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I’m slowly doing some work from home. But I’m a bit irritated and my temper is getting shorter. I try not to snap at people especially on the phone [Nurses/pizza guy/sister] because they’re all trying their best. But I’m so irritated at everything.

I’m eating more now. I’m eating EVERYTHING! Even beef and pizza 🙂

Hopefully in another 2 weeks which will make it 6 weeks post op, I’ll be well enough to go for long walks. Possibly jogging. I’ll see how that goes.

Fingers crossed, I’d also like to be in London by July/August. I hope I can get a decent hotel this time.

 

 

 

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