To the few people that bother to read my blog.
It means a lot to me. I am not so good with writing and like I pointed out before, the blog is like a therapy page for me. I’ve always needed a place to pour out my thoughts because I do not have friends I can speak with. So when I’m done writing here I feel a little better even though no one really responds but that’s o.k.
I’ve spent the past few days recuperating. It’s getting better. Some days are good, some days are just awful. My stomach is still big and I am still underweight.
I keep searching online to find information about weight and stomach sizes after the surgery but sadly I have never come across a skinny woman like me who has had fibroid! Not one!
So everyone else I’ve found has been excited at their weight loss after the surgery. I cannot join any forum because from past experiences, no one wants to know what a skinny woman goes through. Well, because they all think I’m the ideal figure. If only they knew…..
At 5”4, 49kg, age 39 some people think I should not complain, women think it’s the ideal size. But I know what men think. Instagram gives me a fairly good picture of what men like! Thanks to fake bodies everywhere.
I dread looking at myself in the mirror. And after this surgery, Its worse. I can barely look at myself. I hate everything about my body. My legs and arms are so skinny and my stomach is large. It’s 34 inches across my stomach, if I use a tape rule to measure myself. For a skinny person, that’s large! And the scars? It’s just horrible!
I keep saying to myself that no man will find me attractive looking like this. So, my plan to adopt/IVF still stands. I don’t want to be alone at my old age as I find It can be depressing sometimes. Sometimes.
I need to keep saving because it costs even more to do an IVF. Adoption is a slim chance in this country. Especially for a single lady. And I will not be involved in bribing anyone as they usually do around here. I’d rather save the millions needed to do an IVF. I might need to change my job or get an additional job to the one I have.
[When I say IVF, I mean an Artificial Insemination from sperm donated by someone I know or sperm bought at the fertility clinic] Hope I got that right.
I’m slowly doing some work from home. But I’m a bit irritated and my temper is getting shorter. I try not to snap at people especially on the phone [Nurses/pizza guy/sister] because they’re all trying their best. But I’m so irritated at everything.
I’m eating more now. I’m eating EVERYTHING! Even beef and pizza 🙂
Hopefully in another 2 weeks which will make it 6 weeks post op, I’ll be well enough to go for long walks. Possibly jogging. I’ll see how that goes.
Fingers crossed, I’d also like to be in London by July/August. I hope I can get a decent hotel this time.