I’ve been eating

Everything.

 

I’ve been eating everything and anything I see.

If except the furniture

I know I should be eating healthy but I can’t help it. My boss got back from Korea with 3  huge boxes of chocolate for me. He’s evil!!

I’ve been eating ice cream, fries, chicken, beef, all pastries!! I don’t know what to do. The craving is mad.  If I had a bofriend and active sex life i’d think i was pregnant. I wish I was…..

 

*******************************************

 

Very well

My job search continues. I’m quite sad the year is fast coming to an end.

My rent expires in February and I don’t have it yet. I spent so much on the surgery it left a huge hole in my savings. Some people might think i’m overreacting but the way I live my life is different. I try to plan way ahead so I don’t have to beg anyone for anything. It doesn’t always work out right but I’ve survived.

*

Also. I’m thinking of travelling to London between September and December. Not sure. To be honest, if I could, I’ll stay FROM september TO december. But that’ll be a whole lot of hotel bill! The flight ticket alone is depressing. But I really need to go. It will be suicide if I go another year without travelling. This country is hell!! Hell!!

The only friend I had in the U.K now lives in Pakistan so no free house for me.

*

I’ve been thinking too much. Maybe that’s why I have all the acne on my face.

I can’t stop thinking. The only time my brain is silent is if i’m with people. Which is very rare. The few times I’m around my sister I think less. But once i return to my hut, I continue thinking and worrying about all the sad things around me.

Being this old without a child is enough to sadden anyone. Being old and lonely. Old and skinny with no ass. And thinking that you might never find a solution to a lot of your problems because you’re in this useless country where nothing works and the only way you can get things done is to act like them and you don’t want to act like them and you know you can’t live in another country because that’ll be illegal, and you know you don’t ever want to do anything illegal, then you know, you just know, that you’re fucked! Unless there’s a God that wants to do a miracle. I’m fucked!

*********************

OK.

I just had a long cry after that paragraph. But at least I got it all out. Everything in my head.

I feel better. I’m off to have an early lunch. Chinese friend rice and some Olivye salad.

 

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